under-estimated: September 2009

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Was it over-confidence or was it 'sleeping during examination'?

How is it possible to just barely scrap through something that you're confident of?

Teng has yet again proved to the rest, that she's nothing, but a failure.

The past two days had been such a torture, thinking of her own mess and trying to accept the fact that she's just failed those who've had faith in her again.
Parents did not reprimand. They tried to encourage and make her feel better by bringing her out and getting her new shoes. This kind gesture made her felt worse.

She wants to get back and stand on her own feet again. But the recurring thought of screwing up the GPA, with her own hands, has been more than just terrible.

She had badly wanted to help her cousin with sensible suggestions, but she can't even maintain her own GPA. Who is she to comment?

Teng's really tired. If only there was something she can do.

She wants her laptop back. She wants to get out of the house, go somewhere and get something done. But all she can do now, is to be stuck at home in no mood to do anything.

Even typing this short para is a problem.

Friday, 18 September 2009

i'm a disappointment myself.

It's just a grade. This one grade affected her the entire day. She spoke no more than 20 sentences today. She was in no mood to eat.

A terrible terrible feeling.

She doesn't think that all the grades were fair, especially the grades for the elective and the core module.

She still fears, breaking the news of such uneventful news to her parents. It just hurts to know that she's disappointed them again (and again).

What should she do?

Sunday, 13 September 2009

The household chore machine.

Teng's Power Sunday.

Skimmed through the morning papers. Immersed in the 5th HP book. Lunched.

Powered Sunday started.

Swept the floor while changing the bedsheets. (sometimes multi-tasking does work for me)
Mopped the floor.
Showered the dog.
Showered myself.

Totally drained. I looked like some on-the-lose lunatic when I was done with the dog.

Laptop's gone for servicing, a good and a bad. Mummy's super happy, cos I don't get a chance to hide in the room. But the bad? Loads. I miss iTunes. I miss my massive chunk of songs. No more long hours on FB either. I can still use my desktop thou, but the desktop doesn't have this and that, lousy. Those software not so up-to-date.

Most important of all, I have problem using XP. I'm the one lagging, not the desktop.

HP! Quick, I'm waiting for your call!

This week must play all that I can, before I get 'grounded' on Friday, when the results are out.

*Teng prays hard, super hard.

Friday, 11 September 2009

I don't know what to do if my GPA doesn't go up this semester.

I would probably have to bear with all the '$#@!%&!@#*@#!'s and my own guilt.

And the fate of my DPP is really at stake. Shit.

TELL HER WHAT TO DO NOW BABE!

what a holiday.

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Teng's ex-neighbours are so freaking "nice". Just anyoldhow rent out their flat to some crazy foreign workers (not bangladeshes). So now, she's got 10 over weirdo men living right along the corridoors. They drink beer and smoke at night, hogging the only passage way to her house. The spices they use in their cookings (she just can't understand why their spices so resemble urine) proliferates the entire floor. It's crazy. Stinking business.

She apologizes to her BFFs.

It's not that she doesn't wish to join on outings or movies or blah, it's just that she really does not wish to let her parents get all jittery over the frequency of her outings, what-time-homes and wadsoeva.

Teng's getting sick of being stuck in between the Team and her family.

Maybe she should just stop suggesting outings. She's such a let-down, asking the Team out, and then she has to rush off to go home just as they're in the middle of something. Just bear with her. She's real sorry.

Argh.

Dad's really getting on her nerves. She really cannot understand why he's feeling-less, like some cold hard rock positioned on the sofa. Everything Teng suggests, or wants to do, he'll counter it back with a "It's not significant right?". Why must he be so encouraging?

She wants next week to come. When next week comes, she can arrange for movies, back to NH sessions and everything.
She suddenly has this urge for school to reopen and start having lessons. She isn't enjoying her holidays right now.

Bad news. Teng realized that she was cheated after yesterday's (grad magazine) meeting at school. An email was sent to her before the exams, asking for students to join the committee. It was stated that this magazine involvement would only be during the holiday period. And then during the meeting, it was announced that this grad magazine committee was going to be a LONG-TERM involvement. WTH. Imagine what happens when her dad gets to know abou this. It's definitely another hot issue that's gonna fire up at home. Shit. Look at all the rubbish she's got herself into. Everything is still her fault.

Damnnit. Adults think that they can cheat people like us. We are not little kiddes that turn right when we are asked to, go left when we urged to.

Teng is not idiot. The next grown-up that tries to cheat her into something, she's definitely going to get back at that person. All this has got to come to a stop.

She's damn pissed off right now. Can't imagine how to tell the guys later during the mass conversation.

ARGH!

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

If there's a place that you wish to go, to spend your time, it wouldn't hurt to frequent that special place a little more.

If there are some people you wish to spend time with, it wouldn't hurt to spend more time with them, especially when you're on holiday.

Everything's gonna end after this holiday. Teng's gonna have a super packed and busy schedule.
And when that time comes, you wouldn't even be able to visit that special someone or that special place again.
(No, Teng hasn't got a BF, for heaven's sake. She's talking about something else here. Other issues.)

Why not do it while you can?

So what's the big deal about involvements? Just things be. Teng still hasn't forget about priorities, honey. Don't worry.

You won't lose your kid to someone else. She's yours to keep anyway.

Just chill, alrights?

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Wait Teng, before you sleep. Look what the book says:

父母呼应勿缓
If your parents call you, answer them right away.
父母命行勿懒
When they command you to do something, do it quickly.
父母叫须敬听
When you parents instruct you, listen respectfully.
父母责须顺承
When you parents reapproach you, obey and accept their scolding; try hard to change and improve yourself and start anew.

SO I'LL HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING THEY SAY. AND BE A DADDY'S GIRL OR A MUMMY'S GIRL.

亲有过谏使更
When your parents do wrong, urge them to change.
怡吾色柔吾声
Do it with a kind facial expression, and a warm gentle voice.
谏不入悦复谏
If they do not accept your advice, wait till they are in a happier mood before you dissuade them again.
号泣随挞无怨
Followed by crying to make them understand why. If they end up whipping you, do not hold a grudge against them.

SO WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT I MEAN, I CRY, HOPING THAT IT'LL TOUCH THEIR HEARTS. BUT NO. I GET BLAMED FOR SHEDDING CROCODILE TEARS. THEN?

THE BOTTOM LINE IS, IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT TENG.

THIS IS THE FACT.

IT WILL NOT CHANGE.

I should just ignore everything. I don't understand why I seem to have so much conflict with the father recently. He's almost criticizing my every extra activity move.
But I don't see or hear him do that when I'm doing something that helps or involves the family.

I'm not wasting my time when I help the family, but I'm wasting my time when I help someone or somebody who has been also guiding me for 6 years (and counting). This is not fair, totally crap.

What is this.

As if I'm the rebellious kid, but no, he's in charge, he's got the ropes and I'll have to do all that he says to please him, right? Cos he's the dad and I'm the kid. So, I can't do anything I want or wish to.

Stop. You know how sarcastic he is. He's always like that. Army peeps usually talk no feelings, they just trash and they go straight to the point and hurt you (badly) with their words. So, no, I'll never ever end up in the army.

And, things start getting out of hand when people age.

Teng, just go sleep and wash everything out of your head.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

The Edmund Ng Seminar
Venue: The NH staff room, Centre Aisle
Time: 1230 to 1330

Reflections

BGR, Love and Infatuations.
It was more of a match-making session.
There was a cute bear-bear, two lovely ladies and a Dr. (Ed) Love.
Anw, they make my day.

Thank you for the ride to JE Mrt!

under-estimated

i just fell in love...

truth is.

i'm a disappointment myself.

The household chore machine.