just finished inno camp at nh. if it wasn't for school, i would probably still be there, trying to shoot the volleyball and bball into the netball hoops.
met mrs. jacq tan for lunch yesterday. we couldn't stop talking. it was (well..) really nice of her to take time off from home to have lunch with me, and yes, i'm damn grateful for that. i was really enjoying the company and chat until i saw an old lady on a wheelchair, with a tube attached to her nose. i hesitated and i stared at the old lady till she was being pushed (on her wheelchair) out of sight. this old lady reminded me of grandma again. sigh. i think mrs. tan knew what was on my mind, and she just gave me a pat on the shoulder and of cos, a very kind smile.
anw, i accompanied her to get some stuff from ntuc after lunch, to find out that she was going to australia for two whole weeks! i was like "wow! 2 weeks!" hahas. we parted when mrs. tan had to go home while i went to nh to camp in for the day.
mrs. tan did ask me to go to her house, for her daughter would be more than happy to have someone older to play with her and that i would (most probably) inculcate the right values to her daughter. hahas. i guess i wouldn't mind that. as i've told her, it'll probably be after the 49 days are over, i seriously look forward to see her girl. the last time i saw jacq junior was like more than a year ago (last year's mid autumn).
camp was quite cool. i thought it was really an ingenious idea to get the juniors and all to plan, budget and cook their own meals. the idea was originated from the obs style. so yea, i'm really impressed. to say, i thought it was quite fun watching them get their food ready and to watch the flames go on and off and on again.
if i ain't on vegetarian, i would probably have lots of fun whipping up dinner. gosh. i've never really tried outdoor cooking, with charcoal and solid fuel, not counting bbqs.
since there wasn't really enough food, i accompanied mdm to blk 407 to have her dinner. it was around 9pm then, and guess what? i hadn't taken my dinner yet and i was not hungry! wow. and i found out some disappointing facts. and no wonder, mdm didn't seemed as thou she was listening, sigh. will this difference bring us further apart?
mdm didn't really seemed enthu, probably cos she was flu-ing. so she actually knocked out slightly before 12 while i carried on to do my work in the darkness. now its the super interesting bit. i was in my fbt, thinking that i would go to sleep in that and a black tee and my quite-thick jacket. but after a while, i started to feel cold. i don't know why i feel that cold, probably because i'm under the air-con. so i did the smartest thing on earth, that was to change back into my jeans and zip up my jacket and to increase the temperature to 26 degrees. smart right?
after a while, mdm woke up and asked for the room temperature. she complained that it was very warm. uhh, i was just staring to enjoy the very comfortable warmness. and she lowered the temperature to 22 degrees. poor tengteng started to freeze under the conditioning, with her top half wrapped in her jacket and her feet wrapped in her shorts. while mdm was at the corner covered in her very comfortable sleeping bag. anw, she kept tossing and turning around, i don't think she really slept with all the turning arounds.
the freeze last the whole night and it finally ended when kl entered the room to wake me up (to go to school),
aww.. i think it was so nice of her to do so. i took mdm's jacket and wrapped it over my head and used my own jacket to wrap around my legs. and yes, i was kept warm for the last 10 mins of my sleep. and mdm said that i was stupid cos i didn't ask for the blanket when i was cold. diao. i thought she was sleeping ma, and i had no intentions of waking her up. well, i did lower the aircon from 23 to 26 degrees, before she complained that it was warm and increased it up to 22 degrees again. so... was i really stupid? -.-" i'll bring a sleeping bag next time round (if any).
thing to note: mdm snipped off her long hair and highlighted some bits of her hair. so yea, there's much lesser resemblance now. at least ms chng can tell us apart now. but still a pity, i thought it was kinda fun playing with look alikes, since mrs. tan said i was the mutated version of mdm. LAUGH OUT LOUD.
holidays for primary and secondary school students are finally here. erjie, yy, ah boy, msy, ngakei and enen are all on holiday now. how i wish i've got my holidays while they have theirs.
common test is round the corner. i think its next week. great stuff. i've totally got no idea on what's going on and what's not.
i'm feeling so lost and i don't know what to do next.
where's my guiding light?
grandma's 3rd seven.
我们过了三个没有嫲嫲的星期。
我应该是习惯了这样的日子，但我发现自己还是很怀念、想念有嫲嫲的日子。
我觉得少了一个嫲嫲，就好像少了一份关怀、一份爱。
回想起最后一次和嫲嫲通电话，（17 oct）嫲嫲说：“有啊！有挂住你。。。要用功读书、听阿爸阿妈的话、不要给阿爸阿妈操心，知道吗？不要担心我。嫲嫲好好，有阿爸他们陪我。你回家休息啦，改天才来看嫲嫲啦hor? 好啦，好啦，hor？mm.. 拜拜, ah 拜拜。。。”
我真的很想再次听到嫲嫲的声音、很想再次听到嫲嫲叫我：
- “要用功、用心读书，要好好孝顺阿爸阿妈，要乖乖听话，不要辜负阿爸阿妈对我的期望。”
- “你很乖的，你很有嫲嫲的心，嫲嫲很开心有个这样乖的孙。”
- “ 你生日，所以嫲嫲要给个红包给你，你收好来。”
- “好lor, 嫲嫲听到你考到好成绩，嫲嫲好开心。哈哈哈，很好很好。”
- “这些钱是嫲嫲给你的，你收好，拿去买东西吃、搭taxi回家也好，你不拿，嫲嫲会生气的。”When death occurs, nothing can change it nor can anything turn it around. It’s only when you lose someone, then you’ll start to realize the importance of having him around.
Since 嫲嫲’s passing, I’ve realized that my entire daily routine has been turned upside down. I don’t have enough time to complete my work. To top it all, I’m energy-drained by the time I reach home after school.
Test is on Monday. I didn’t mention anything about this test to mummy or daddy, cos I don’t wish to let them worry about me and my test (and I already feel damn stressed without their constant reminders). Since I didn’t mention anything about tests or work, mummy and daddy would obviously think that school’s slack enough for me, and they would start to complain when I don’t help with any housework. Who else, other than myself can I blame?
Freak people, teach me how to multi task!
Who would actually understand this mental torture?
嫲嫲, when will you give us a clue that you're happy out there?
嫲嫲, why don't you come back instead? It's so weird without having you around.
嫲嫲就这样的走完了她的一生。
在那五天有很多人都到此慰问。可以看得出嫲嫲生前的人缘有多好。出殡当天，天气晴朗，阳光普照。我们跟着灵车走了一段路，然后上了第一辆巴士，后面有多一辆巴士、十多辆私家车和两辆摩托车紧跟在后头。看，我们的嫲嫲有多威风。
嫲嫲的灵车很漂亮，玻璃是浅蓝色的，有黄色的花朵和青色的小灯泡围绕着玻璃窗，我是第一次看到这么美的灵车。 跟着灵车走时，边听、边念着佛经，心情是很平静的。
I didn’t feel anything when grandma’s coffin was being pushed down the aisle, into the flames. Perhaps like what daddy said, what’s left is just the hardware.
Our 嫲嫲 has left for some other place.
Grandma had a good life and we should celebrate over what she had had.
她有四个非常孝顺、非常疼爱她的孩子，两个很照顾她的媳妇，两个听话的女婿， 还有八个可爱的孙子。嫲嫲很疼家里的每一个人。每逢佳节、生日，她都会给红包。
现在嫲嫲已经不在了，不知道谁会代替嫲嫲份红包。
I really miss 嫲嫲.
I miss those times when she told me to study hard.
I miss holding her hand.
I miss talking to her.
I miss watching her eat.
I miss hearing her laugh.
I miss watching her smile.
I miss hearing her get irritated.
I miss watching her pray every night.
I miss playing mahjong with her and singing that song to her.
I miss hearing her calling out our names.
I miss her unique way of rolling onto the bed.
If only there was a way for her to let us know that she’s ok out there. It’s not easy to accept the fact that she’s really gone forever.
Only when 嫲嫲's gone, then I start to see and realize her importance in the family. We’ve removed almost all of her clothes and her belongings. We're only left with her memories.
我真的好想念嫲嫲 。
Her laughter, her smiles, her coughs and her rolling into bed actions have all become memories.
Grieve takes time.
Lots of time.
我们完成了嫲嫲的心愿：
嫲嫲昨天在家中安详地走了。
it was painful to know that grandma has passed on. my legs nearly jellied when i heard that grandma just passed away. it was really sudden. grandma took her last breath just some 30mins after she was sent back home via the ambulance. daddy, shenshen, shushu and grandpa saw that grandma died in the presence of the Buddha. somehow we thought that the Buddha led grandma and made her move on.
we chanted for 12 hours straight from the point grandma passed on. this chanting was to aid her in return to the ji le world, where all Buddhist devotees should go after they die.
as of now, 我相信嫲嫲已经成佛，到了另一个没痛苦，没悲伤的世界。
crying and calling out her name or 'talking' to grandma would only make her hesitate about really leaving us and moving on.
it's hard not to tear when i reminisce about those times i've spent with her during her healthy days. grandma's such a great person. i should be celebrating the quality life that she always had - filial children and spouses and the amazing grandchildren. life's gonna be really different without her around.
grandma wants to see her grandchildren graduate with a uni cert. i remembered her mentioning about this before her heavy dosage of morphine at the hospital.
and i promised her, i will.
if she knows i'm still blogging at this hour, i think she won't let me off. she would probably be asking me to sleep early and get more rest.
i seriously think grandma's watching over me and the rest of the family.
amitabha.
thanks eileen, jazz and alfred.
这几天真的好累。
shuffling between school, home and the hospital is really wearing me out.
嫲嫲的情况还是没好转过，她还是迷迷糊糊的睡着。大家最近一直都在讨论嫲嫲的身后事，we seemed ready physically. but are we up to this terrible mental challenge?
唯一值得感到安慰的，就是看到-那个整天都说自己没有胃口的-老爸，能够轻松的在kopitiam吃晚餐。i offered to share a huge plate of vegetarian bee hoon with daddy, since his appetite was rather bad. i had finally managed to convince him to have dinner together with us at the canteen, instead of having to eat by grandma's bedside. daddy, mummy, erjie, yy, shenshen, yeye, biao gugu, aunty joanna and i were all having dinner together. perhaps it was the company of people that helped to increase daddy's appetite. i noticed that daddy was eating his way thru the food, while i took slow and small mouthfuls. he did not stop he just carried on until there was apparently not much left and he asked me to 'finish the rest'. it was then that i realised that i had eaten less than half of that entire plate of food, since the past 2 weeks.
虽然晚餐真的是‘吃不饱’，但能够再次看到老爸有‘多一些’胃口，心里却是真正的‘饱’了。我这个阿四的任务其实才刚刚开始。。。要把老爸的胃口搞好，还有很长的路。。。
this old man is really affected by what's happening to his mummy. even aunty yanching could tell. daddy's just put up a strong front. just look at the poor old soul suffering behind this strong guy image. what else can i do to help him?
anw, happi 17th to huiling - hope you enjoyed ur belated and super memorable b'dae lunch ((:
