under-estimated: results aftermath

Friday, 15 June 2007

results aftermath

Thinking about what erjie said the other time, yes, maybe i should see a counsellor. I seriously think i am still greatly affected by my results of MY. it's something i can't get over with, maybe not me, but the people around me. devastated totally.

Regrets, life is full of them. Is it really that I'm not good? Or that I'm cursed? I don't know. All the effort went down the drain and got washed away, it's never coming back.

Still can't forget what Mrs.Sim said to me on PTC : "DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE YOUR SCIENCE. IT CAN'T BE, JUDGING FROM THE RESULTS..." Damage done. Morale shattered.
How can teachers say such harsh stuff? Well, shouldn't blame her. It's my fault all along. Just refuse to budge in my results. But when I've finally decided to do something bout it, my luck failed me.

physics.
My all-time favourite. Thanks to the morale-boosting results that i got for EOY last year, 60, B4. This time round, FAILED. Engraved on the front page of my MY paper, "YOU WILL NOT PASS YOUR O LVL'S THIS YEAR", again, damage done. Morale shattered. How can teachers say such harsh stuff? Inflicted guilt heavily on myself. sec 3 work, yet can't score.

I still remembered what Mrs.Chang told me before my MY. She told me to aim for a B4 for all subjects, I could tell she was on the verge of tears when she told me to work hard. I'm sorry, mdm, I failed.

I had wanted to do better in this MY, hoping to prove to myself that miracles do happen. Also, I had hoped to do mummy and daddy proud. Again, I failed.
Perhaps results are really everything:
-If I had got better results, mummy and daddy wouldn't be breathing down my neck so badly now.
-If I had got better results, I would have still enjoyed doing my TYSs' now.
IF I HAD..
In life, there are no "if's", if there were "if's", the world wouldn't be what it is today.

Whenever i think about my results, I feel stressed up and bad over it. then the process happens. I would suddenly feel as though mummy and daddy are stressing me, blaming me for all the results, when they are not. I know they are disappointed, but they hide it. I'd rather they tell me straight in the face and make me feel guilty about it. It's all the comparing between me and the rest. why I should be better and why I shouldn't be. Now I feel as though I'm a piece of trash that always pops itself out of the bin, giving a chance for others to step on.

I often ask myself, is aiming for a pass really that difficult?
Am I that lousy?
I don't know.
How long more do i have to wait?
This guilt relapses whenever results are mention. And it always gives me a headache whenever I think about it.

What's happening to me?

Yes, maybe i should see a counsellor.

.under-estimated.

under-estimated

results aftermath

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