grandma had been so drowzy and drifting in and out of sleep for the past few days. she did not respond when we called her and talked to her, but yet she woke up last night.
嫲嫲半夜醒来，叫姑妈拿红包给我们每个人，因为下个月是嫲嫲的生日。
will she make it for her birthday in mid november?
things are still as bad as they were yesterday.
嫲嫲的病情一直没好转的迹象。她还是很弱，根本没能力讲话。
我们麦家都到医院探望嫲嫲，只有大姑丈得开工。在病房里，最幸福的就是嫲嫲了，有4个儿女，两个媳妇，8个孙。除了家里的那4只狗，ocean, beckham, willie, junior, 一家大小都到齐了。
今天有很多亲友，婶婶的妈妈和哥哥，嫲嫲的妹妹和女儿，小姑丈的妈妈，到医院探望嫲嫲，但嫲嫲还是迷迷糊糊的，似乎听不到我们在跟她说话。唯一值得感到安慰的就是嫲嫲听到了她妹妹的声音，嫲嫲还连续地叫着她妹妹的名几次。
老爸和叔叔已经开始讨论嫲嫲的身后事，听起来也有一些些可怕。
在回家途中，妈咪说：‘嫲嫲的亲家全部都到了，除了外婆和公公。’这一句让我感到万分心寒。听起来好像真的是时候了。
看到嫲嫲那么辛苦，似乎在死亡边缘振扎，我反而原佛祖能早日带嫲嫲离开，减少痛苦。心里是那么的不舍得，但我们还可以做些什么呢？
我记得最后一次和嫲嫲打麻将时，心情是神好的。我，佑佑和二姐是‘越打越high’。我就在那时‘唱’了一首歌：邓妙华的‘牵引’。佑佑和二姐大赞难听，但嫲嫲却说好听，要我继续唱。
我今天用了吉他弹出了这首歌的旋律。
嫲嫲还会有机会再听到这首歌吗？
那股心痛，心酸的感觉真的难以形容。
一切来的太突然了。
a month ago, i had accompanied grandma for her eye check up at SNEC. she still had the energy to stand and wait for the cab. she could still manoeuvre herself with just a little help from us. i remembered seeing her eat her way thru the 3 dishes and half a bowl of rice. and i remembered her laughing at my joke of her saying that she's "full" and yet she was still happily eating her way thru.
23 days ago, i had accompanied grandma for her MRI scan. she was still ok then. at least grandma ate quite a bit still. i remembered her sharing food with us.
9 days ago, grandma was already hospitalised. i called daddy and talked to grandma on the phone. i asked grandma is she misses me. her reply was still very strong and sounded energetic. grandma told me that i must listen to mummy and daddy, because they've put in alot of effort to look after us. she told me to work hard and 'bei sum gei douk xu'. i promised and told her i would visit her the next day.
7 days ago, grandma had the energy to kiss us. she urged us to go home and still could complain that she did not kiss me on the cheek properly. she was still eating pandan cake and drinking milo off the cup.
somewhat 5 days ago, gujie stayed overnight at the hospital with grandma. i remembered saying goodnight to her and her persistence to shoo us home to rest.
4 days ago, grandma was complaining of the unbearable pain and she didnt sleep at night. she still had the energy to tell people off.
3 days ago, grandma threw a tantrum because the stupid doctors couldn't inject the constipation medication into the anus properly and it caused bleeding.
2 days ago, grandma ate her favourite cereal meal prepared by chef rita. she had quite considerably alot that day, compared to the past week. grandma had a sudden emergency at night around 10pm. she couldn't breathe and the doctors did some crazy thing to get her breathing back.
yesterday, many of us went to see grandma. guma came in the morning. gujie straight after work. mummy came around 3 plus. grandpa, shushu, shenshen, chef rita, msy, mnk and mky came about 4 plus. daddy and i were at the hospital, since early morning 7am.
doctor had put up a sign of 'no food by mouth' because of the sudden emergency last night. they were afraid that grandma might choke on her food and cause lung inflammation. grandma didnt know about that. she woke up slightly past 8am, and she said she wants to sit upright. we adjusted the bed for her. after sitting for a while, grandma made a comment. she said that sit upright means must eat and that she was hungry. yes. she sounded really annoyed and irritated. we talked to her and asked for the doctor, who took her time to come. grandma was finally given her fish and oats paste around 9am. she ate a total of about 3/4 of the container contents, for breakfast and lunch.
grandma's eyes were always looking upwards when she opened her eyes. and her pupils rolled up, showing only the whitish bits when she closed her eyes to sleep. her eyes were half-closed.
i saw a teardrop on the corner of grandma's eyes when grandpa held her hand. msy, chef rita, shenshen, mummy and gujie cried.
grandma was sleeping soundly when i left the hospital with mummy around 6pm.
grandma's favourite brother and his family visited her at night.
daddy said grandma had a drama last night and insisted that she wanted to go home.
today, doctor said we cant bring her home. grandma's heavily depending on morphine to relieve her severe pain. her dosage was twice of what was injected yesterday. the morphine is injected into her stomach via the drip, cos the drug would work faster when injected via the stomach.
daddy said he would rather ask the gods to take her away than to see grandma suffer.
grandpa knows his wife won't last.
i know it hurts. really.
the adults are arranging a hospice stay for grandma to spend her remaining days.
doctor said (from his experience) we have about 1 to 2 weeks.
how prepared are we?
biao ge, don't faint. ur mommy needs you.
thanks!
jazzrel - for being mentally here with me.
khengleng - for the sms.- and all who've told me to stay strong and positive.
Looking after a patient is no easy task.
yesterday was grandma's third day at the hospital. i'm so glad that i'm finally able to visit her. i cabbed down to NUH with daddy, grandpa and enen. grandma was awake when we arrived, but she was still rather drowsy (cos of those painkillers) and she took sometime to recognise who we were.
there's this contradiction with these painkillers. they help to 'kill' your pain, however. they make you sleep. so indirectly, they make you sleep without pain. and what can you do when you're not in pain anymore after eat those painkillers? nothing. but to sleep. can't the research on a drug that'll kill the pain and keep you awake at the same time??
nevertheless, grandma was better than she was at home. she was able to sleep painlessly and she could have much more rest - she was literally sleeping for like 80% of the time. so we actually don't get much time with her, other than the fact of watching her sleep peacefully. we grabbed the chance to talk to her and (well...) make her happy while we get the chance to do so, when she wakes up.
on the brighter side, a few really funny things happened while daddy, gujie and i were at the hospital with grandma.
1. grandma couldn't stop farting when she got out of bed to get to the toilet. uhh. she made us stay away from her as thou her fart kills.
2. grandma told gujie off, when gujie was trying to ask about the pain in her stomach. it's the first time that i hear grandma sounding so irritated (not counting those times when grandpa tries to irritate her).
3. daddy sat on the pandan cake that gujie bought. the pandan cake was later known as pandan biscuit. and guess what, this pandan 'biscuit' was later happily consumed by grandma, who apparently said that it was very nice. (gosh!)
oh, btw, grandma looked kinda cute when daddy and gujie fed her. grandma didn't have to say anything, for once she opened her mouth, the food would just go into it. hahas.
when it was time for us to leave, gujie kissed grandma twice and (obviously) grandma kissed her too. and then it was (of course!) daddy's turn. after which, grandma called for me. MY TURN. i bent down to let her kiss my cheek, but grandma kissed my hair (which was covering my cheek) instead.
to my surprise, grandma complained that it was not counted, for she kissed my hair and she insisted to 'kiss again'.
well... ain't that sweet?.. aww...grandma hadn't slept when we left. i hated the thought of leaving her in the hospital while all of us head back home. but we had no choice. we left with a heavy heart.
i saw how guma, gujie, daddy and shushu took care of grandma. their actions lighted a few bulbs in my head.
对于父母的养育之恩, 我们这些身为子女的, 一辈子都还不完.
there're two extreme sides on how children treat or care for their parents. the first side would be those who care about their parents, the same way as how their parents cared for them when they were young. the other side would be those who can't be bothered at all.
i can't imagine those heartless people who actually don't bother to take care of their parents when they'll ill. it's 'inhumane'. sigh.
i'm going to the hospital later, probably going to stay till 10pm, like yesterday. it's a good thing, at least i can fall asleep faster at night.
grandma will never recover from this.
we can only give her all the quality time before her time's up.
and.
i'll do what i can to make her happy.
two very lovely women cheered me up today by leaving me with a few of their very best and most unforgetable lame convers.
Conver 1lmz: "eh, got something i want to ask you."me: "huh? what isit?"lmz: "you got boyfriend already?"me: "laugh out loud! dun have."lmz: "sure or not?"me: "diao eh. i told you i have will tell you right? where got time to find one?"mjact: "boyfriend不是找的, 要he come and find you才对!"lmz: "(couldn't help agreeing immediately) ya lor!"me: "..."Conver 2mjact: "eh teng ah, how's the people in poly like?"me: "ok la, quite good ar."me: "errr... dressing of my sort is rare lor. some got make up also lar."mjact: "ar... not very wad meh? "me: "no lar, i got my own style man. quite good ma. simple.makeup a bit the heavy lar. i dun like leh."lmz: "haha! then (to mjact) 不然你认为她为什么坐在我这边,而不是你那边?.."me: "what the... next time 我来的时候就摆一张椅子在center lor.." Conver 3
lmz: "there you got a he-she mah! she's(refering to me) a man in a woman!"me: "diao. i think u're really..."mjact: "她好像不知道她在讲她自己hor.."me: "(couldn't stop laughing)"lmz: "(gave the super 'diao' face)" Conver 4lmz: "next time you open your bag must say lah!"me: "oh. sorry sorry. i forgot about ur weak heart. (now i know, my crumpler has the potential to scare people.)"
me: "PEOPLE, I'M GOING TO OPEN MY BAG!!!" (-.-)they are so freaking lame today. i really dno what's wrong with them. i've never seen them so happy before thou, it's really good to see them smile and laugh and crap like nuts.
after seeing them today, i finally realised how much i really really miss them. gosh.
i spoke to grandma on the phone today. she sounded good, despite the fact that she's a little breathless. i kinda miss her voice. i know she definitely misses us, cos she actually asked daddy how come her grandchildren haven't visit her yet.
i had so terribly wanted to go down today, but daddy told me not to. well...
daddy's well beaten off his feet for the past dno how many days. it hurts to see him looking so tired and lost at times. i miss my daddy too. i've only seen him for less than 4 hours since the previous night. he's got little appetite. mummy's worried too, when she saw that daddy covered himself with two blankets this morning and it's actually not that cold.
i'll be spending the whole day at the hospital tomorrow, to accompany daddy and also (hopefully) be able to boost his morale somehow.
i'm unable to pay attention in class. uhh. the family's half on my mind. i feel so lost sometimes. i really don't know what to do. or am i thinking too much? am i like "acting-adult"?
i don't know. i'm just worried.
homework, projects, u'll have to wait. i doubt i have time to finish you off tmr.
生命是那么的脆弱。为什么这件事来的那么突然？
要接受这个事实真的很不容易。
明天会怎样呢？
i'm in no mood to do anything.
grandma's cancer relapsed. cancerous cells are found in her spine and there's a 5cm big tumour in her liver.
doctor had her hospitalised, for there was a need to find the right painkiller for her. if the painkiller works effectively (able to stop the pain), grandma will have the chance to go thru chemo and have a few more years to live. if the painkiller has no effect, there's nothing else we can do, nothing but to wait for time to come.
the tumor in her liver is deadly. if she can't go thru chemo, it's (considered) the end.
grandma was in pain for the whole of yesterday and she didn't sleep the previous night. she lost about 4kgs, since the pain and all started. she isn't smiling like she used to. it hurts to see her suffering.
daddy is suffering mentally.
the emotional roller coaster ride is too much for him.
he has lots of things to juggle.
he sounded lost when mum called him just now.
he had to listen to what the doctor had to say, he had to watch over grandma's emotions and he had to suppress his own feelings.
i wish i was there to help him out just now.
mummy isn't feeling too good either.
i suppose the entire family is now super worried.
be strong, grandma.
be strong, everyone.
THE MAK FAMILY NEVER FALLS.明天会更好.
music camp from 8th till 11th october.
whoever that sees this, don't bother contacting me. if it's urgent, drop me an sms. i'll reply asap.
thank you.
lappy's gone for repair. hai.
nothing much to blog about except that Eagle Eye was abit nice. and going out with can can yesterday was great fun.
i wna go out with can can, enna, nick, dan and cass soon!
and to cjm, aud, acl and co. it's time to meet up and lunch again.
the good people from MI, hahas. i miss all of u, in particular rq, yq, cy and jl. (except eileen-oops).
ms eileen tan, it's time to begin ur journey to the west liao. i'm waiting!!
huiling ar, be honoured lar. it's rare that i mention people names leh.. hahahas ((: i wna see wad u did to ur hair! :x
i miss my idol so terribly. sobbs.
i dno what's wrong with me these few days.
i'm still unwilling to speak to them after that night's incident.
freaking shit. i hate this.
i should have fell asleep earlier that night, then the world would seem dead to me. hell.
i dno why i've found my parents very irritating suddenly. i'm starting to find that they make unconstructive comments at the wrong times or when things have already happened.
for instance, my laptop. mum's complaining that my laptop's giving alot of trouble and that i shouldn't have got such an expensive laptop in the first place. hell. i don't remember mum saying anything about the price on the day i bought this laptop. i even called home to ask if the price and the specs (and all the other minute stuff) were fine with her.
and now, she's complaining all about it.
second, about my bloody phone's warranty card. i've sent my phone for servicing twice already, counting today, it's the third. so, i've had at least 3 sessions trying to find my warranty card for each visit - to send the phone in for repair and to collect the phone. after phone collection today, called mum on the phone. she asked how the phone was and blahh. then i told her about the need to bring along my proof of purchase on the next visit (if any). and then mum started insisting on searching for my warranty card. duhh. c'mon, if she can find it, i'm seriously so god damn proud of her. ridiculous, after 3 to 4 times of searching and i couldn't find it. so what's the possibilty of being able to find it now? grrr...
now dad's trying to be smart in telling me what to do (to find leehui and leemin). am i noob or something? i think i'm not that stupid you know, so. please.
no wonder i've been trying to get out of the house recently. i can't stnd being at home with him for the whole day. i dread the weekends now. freak.
gg to accompany grandma to the hospital for her bone scan tmr. and the results will be out next thursday (when i'm away at camp). what the hell man. i hope grandma can stay happy and cheerful before next thursday comes. (she's not been too good lately -sigh).
huiling, thanks for reading my blog and then close the window without tagging. love u for that, ((: muax muax. lol.
HP has super lousy customer service.
The person on the other line doesn't reply immediately and when he replies, he doesn't sound clear.
called HP and told them my problem with the shaky hinge of my tablet.
The guy (his name is Mike) only told me that someone would call me to arrange the pick up.
NO other information was given. Great.
HP did called up, at 16:07. This time around was a female (her name is Rianna - if that's the way u spell it).
She was impatient. Super impatient. I asked if it was a must to collect my tablet tmr.
She said, "No, You can choose a day for collection." So I asked if Saturday was possible.
She replied, "Yes, saturday before 1."
Then I asked, "Erm, is there any time frame? Like 9 to 10 or 10 to..."
Before I could finish my sentence, she interrupted and cut in, "No, only before 1. only before 1. only before 1. only before 1. only before 1."
Then she finally decided that she should stop repeating the same "only before 1" for the sixth time.
freak!
why must she be so impatient?
And the best part was, she didn't tell me anything about what to hand in to the person on Saturday until I asked her.
She told me, "Just the faulty unit." Then I asked if i needed to pack it in any bag or anything. She just muttered something which i couldn't really get, and then she went like, "Yes that's all."
and the line went dead.
look!
same problem as the "joy chang" at SNEC.
If she's not willing to answer the phone or even, make this call, then don't do it! why do it when she can't even do it well?
I think i won't buy HP products anymore.
goodness.
Thanks for the impression, HP.
Lousy. Not professional at all.
Disappointing.
teng is damn bored.
she has no friends to go out with.
freak. and she messes things up all the time.
7 weeks of holiday and yet, she didn't manage to find anyone to go out with.
she's such a freakin' shit loser.
rotting her life away at home.
no wonder people says she has got NO friends.
anw,
she misses her idol.
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