under-estimated

Thursday, 23 October 2008

一切来的太突然了。

a month ago, i had accompanied grandma for her eye check up at SNEC. she still had the energy to stand and wait for the cab. she could still manoeuvre herself with just a little help from us. i remembered seeing her eat her way thru the 3 dishes and half a bowl of rice. and i remembered her laughing at my joke of her saying that she's "full" and yet she was still happily eating her way thru.

23 days ago, i had accompanied grandma for her MRI scan. she was still ok then. at least grandma ate quite a bit still. i remembered her sharing food with us.

9 days ago, grandma was already hospitalised. i called daddy and talked to grandma on the phone. i asked grandma is she misses me. her reply was still very strong and sounded energetic. grandma told me that i must listen to mummy and daddy, because they've put in alot of effort to look after us. she told me to work hard and 'bei sum gei douk xu'. i promised and told her i would visit her the next day.

7 days ago, grandma had the energy to kiss us. she urged us to go home and still could complain that she did not kiss me on the cheek properly. she was still eating pandan cake and drinking milo off the cup.

somewhat 5 days ago, gujie stayed overnight at the hospital with grandma. i remembered saying goodnight to her and her persistence to shoo us home to rest.

4 days ago, grandma was complaining of the unbearable pain and she didnt sleep at night. she still had the energy to tell people off.

3 days ago, grandma threw a tantrum because the stupid doctors couldn't inject the constipation medication into the anus properly and it caused bleeding.

2 days ago, grandma ate her favourite cereal meal prepared by chef rita. she had quite considerably alot that day, compared to the past week. grandma had a sudden emergency at night around 10pm. she couldn't breathe and the doctors did some crazy thing to get her breathing back.

yesterday, many of us went to see grandma. guma came in the morning. gujie straight after work. mummy came around 3 plus. grandpa, shushu, shenshen, chef rita, msy, mnk and mky came about 4 plus. daddy and i were at the hospital, since early morning 7am.

doctor had put up a sign of 'no food by mouth' because of the sudden emergency last night. they were afraid that grandma might choke on her food and cause lung inflammation. grandma didnt know about that. she woke up slightly past 8am, and she said she wants to sit upright. we adjusted the bed for her. after sitting for a while, grandma made a comment. she said that sit upright means must eat and that she was hungry. yes. she sounded really annoyed and irritated. we talked to her and asked for the doctor, who took her time to come. grandma was finally given her fish and oats paste around 9am. she ate a total of about 3/4 of the container contents, for breakfast and lunch.

grandma's eyes were always looking upwards when she opened her eyes. and her pupils rolled up, showing only the whitish bits when she closed her eyes to sleep. her eyes were half-closed.

i saw a teardrop on the corner of grandma's eyes when grandpa held her hand. msy, chef rita, shenshen, mummy and gujie cried.

grandma was sleeping soundly when i left the hospital with mummy around 6pm.

grandma's favourite brother and his family visited her at night.

daddy said grandma had a drama last night and insisted that she wanted to go home.

today, doctor said we cant bring her home. grandma's heavily depending on morphine to relieve her severe pain. her dosage was twice of what was injected yesterday. the morphine is injected into her stomach via the drip, cos the drug would work faster when injected via the stomach.

daddy said he would rather ask the gods to take her away than to see grandma suffer.

grandpa knows his wife won't last.

i know it hurts. really.

the adults are arranging a hospice stay for grandma to spend her remaining days.

doctor said (from his experience) we have about 1 to 2 weeks.

how prepared are we?

biao ge, don't faint. ur mommy needs you.

by makk at 10:06 am |